On Wednesdays, I write letters.
Dear Skinniest Me,
This is my breakup letter to you.
I've spent so much time trying to keep you and, strangely, there were times I had you and didn't realize I had you 'til you'd slipped away again. (Such a common misfortune among my thirties-aged friends, I find.) I know I had your attention three years ago, for about a month. And then there was the time five years before that. You keep showing up like an old boyfriend at a high school reunion who promises connection and longevity and then fails to deliver. And as hard as I've tried to keep in touch, you just haven't kept it up on your end.
And believe me when I say I've really tried--there was the summer that, for allergy reasons, I drank bone broth for weeks and ate only overly cooked cauliflower. And then the year, for chronic pain issues, I swore off anything that might inflame (read: carbs). Each time, I thought you were going to stay, but you didn't, and you left me adrift, all Skinniest-Me-Is-My-Soulmate-but-Skinniest-Me-Gone-Broke-My-Heart.
Relationships take two, you know.
All the walking. All the yoga. Even the kettle bells after the third baby--those godforsaken kettle bells--did not win you back. Did you ever know a gal that got walked out on and then just Couldn't. Move. On? What do therapists say to girls like that? Let him go, Honey. You can do better.
So I'm not waiting around for you, Skinniest Me. I'm not going to be checking the scale every morning to see if you're on a flight back to the mother ship. I'm not even going to keep the clothes on your side of the closet and in those pre-first-pregnancy bins downstairs. No. I'm really moving on. If you come back, that's your call. Don't expect me to be holding my breath or throwing any parties for you. We girls have gotta to find someone that makes us feel like we're more than just some skin and just some bones. We've gotta find a reason for getting up in the morning other than those Skinniest-Me jeans. Because we've got Skills and we've got Dreams and we've got Places to Be and Things to Do and People to Talk To and a World to Change and We Don't Got the Time to waste on wondering if you're gonna call.